One of the biggest issues in relationships -whether on the job or in families- is the difficulty one experience when there’s “this one person” who always needs to be right.

If the other person does not have this very same need, they may shrivel up from the inside. They often retreat — feeling that they are not ‘good enough’. However, if this person also needs to be right, they will experience a “battle of the wills” and it gets ugly – most of the time if not always.

At work: “There’s only one way to get it done and it’s my way.”In relationships: “When are you going to learn to listen? You always ………..) [Fill in the gap with your own ‘story’]

When someone has the overriding need to be RIGHT, it generally MUST imply the other person wrong. And when you do this, several things occur:
• You do not listen to the other person – you are closed, disinterested because you are already “right” in your own mind.
• You also start to get frustrated / irritated with the other person – whether at work or in relationship this is the beginning of bullying
• You disvalue the person. Because you are already right, you have no interest in the other party or his/his thoughts or opinions. You have no value. In Transactional Analysis we refer to these transactions as “Discounting”.
• You can be so focused on getting things done that you may disvalue also the other person’s attempts to be helpful in resolving the conflict.

And then conflict escalates, because –

• The other person feels “wrong” – it’s like they have no value and are not worthy of your time, your RESPECT, and your cooperation. At work, this results in the person feeling like they should “just shut up and do as they are told” which doesn’t make for a healthy work environment.

In a long term relationship this may even become a repetitive pattern. One partner will feel diminished, discounted, irrelevant – thus resulting in them withdrawing and hiding the best of themselves behind a mask because no matter what they do, they start believing they are not good enough for you. Perhaps it was intentionally (because this need becomes a belief that you are always right. However the message they get from you is clear; you have told them they don’t matter so many times without realizing it.
• They may rebel and become defensive. If their self-worth is tied to their thoughts and ideas and the message you send them is that they are wrong, then they will instinctively fight – or withdraw into a space away from you – they give you the cold shoulder.

And this is why people fight and argue, why workers sabotage their team’s efforts – often not even realising it…
Ever wondered why family members don’t talk for years and years, why (most) divorces are so mean…???

THE GOOD NEWS IS: One Can Be Right without Needing to Tell Others They Are Wrong

Let’s consider this: How can one be right without insisting the other person is wrong. In fact, isn’t it true that BOTH YOU AND THE OTHER person is right in YOUR OWN MINDS? Perceptions create our own realities. With the information we have, we form our perspective, and this becomes a belief that at this moment (and even if we are wrong) we are right! At least in our own mind.

We need to learn to respect that! … We need to learn to step back, wait, and try to understand the other’s perspective. When we learn about each other’s level of knowledge, we would also know how to respond ‘better’, if we need to at all?

Research shows that most – if not all – people cannot separate themselves from their thoughts. In other words, they believe their thoughts and beliefs are becoming who the ARE.

ACTIVITY: As coaches we need to examine ourselves. Do we come into the coaching relationship with no agenda to be right?

We are NOT our thoughts. And we can learn to manage our thoughts rather than allowing them to manage us.

To separate ourselves from our thoughts is quite a big task. It requires that we practice presence:
• Notice our thoughts,
• Notice the emotions generated by our thoughts, and
• Become masterful observers of ourselves.

As Coaches we must be Masterful observers and masterful choosers BEFORE we can earn the right to coach.

We uphold the belief that in reality, there is nothing of greater value than a human life, don’t we? So in that moment when we believe we are right and nothing, I mean, literally nothing can dissuade us or change our mind: let’s practice this on our selves:

• OBSERVE your body for the physiological and emotional response.
• FEEL your blood boil and your pulse quicken.
• STOP!!!!
• BREATHE – TAKE time out, step back!!!!

Master Coaches choose instead to ask the tough questions.

We are INTERESTED in how the person thinks. Let them think their own thoughts, have their own ideas. Given their perspective on the world, they ARE RIGHT TOO.

Just imagine how families might get along a lot better; how bridges might be built, and how many relationships might be turned around if we could each learn to be more open to each other and NOT be so attached to our own ideas about what is right or wrong?

PS
Sometimes we find that we indeed have something to teach. Let’s share it only AFTER we have heard their ideas and discovered their knowledge base and know where they want to move next.
We love hearing your thoughts! Please share your comments below.

Think good thoughts,

Elta

As an experiential learning ‘addict’ I continued to feed my curiosity. In 2009 I came across ReciproCoach via the Coaching Commons!

Upon investigation I immediately knew I hit the jackpot: And that this is the forum where coaches can further their experiential learning in a cost effective way. I decided that I wanted to make it my mission to introduce fellow coaches in South Africa to this caring and sharing community.

I’ve always been committed to supervision and completed my PhD in 2003 about Reflective Teams as a restorative and supportive approach to Supervision. I did (and still do) Supervision for many for human service providers, many who are working as Social Workers in the field of Child Abuse.

To see my professional profile click  http://www.reciprocoach.com/DrElta 

And whilst you are there please browse around the RECIPROCOACH site to form you own impressions.

I want to invite all South African Coaches – from all schools, to sign up for an experience not to be missed!!!   Do so with the South African voucher code (SA20110516) to receive a free year’s subscription to your choice of one ReciproCoach Resource.

Please do not hesitate to contact me for more information. I’m looking forward to share some exhilarating anecdotes with you.

Waarom wag tot dit te laat is?

• Ons leef in ‘n wereld waar mens daagliks gekonfronteer word deur geweld, slegte nuus en stress wat traumatiese afmetings aanneem.
  Leierskap is in krisis – nie net in die wereld van politiek, kerk, werk en skool nie, maar ook vir die tuisteskepper kom leierskap onder aanslag.
• Hoe hou mens dit uit sonder om self deel van die probleem te word?
• Het jy die beste bedoeling om positiewe verandering in jou direkte omgewing te bewerkstellig – maar maak nie veel vordering nie?

SLEGTE NUUS: Spanning en stress laat ons denke toeklap, versnel die hart se ritme, belemmer die bloedsomloop en ons vuiste bal as ‘n outomatiese regmaak vir veg (…of soms ook vlug!)

GOEIE NUUS: Kom leer meer oor die “Anatomie van Vrede” voor die Feesseisoen en gaan die jaareinde tegemoet met ‘n “Oop kop, hart en hande”-gesindheid!

Wie Behoort Dit By Te Woon? Almal in leierskapsposisies en/of diegene betrokke by menslike hulpbron funksies –veral ook mense wat met “ADHD” te doene kry

Hierdie uiters kreatiewe , laat-jou-dink, hoë impak, aksie-leer werksessie sal jou toerus met ‘n paar kragtige oopkop eerstehulpmiddels en jou inspireer om die beste te maak van jou professionele en persoonlike potensiaal. bemagtig om die dinamiek van jou eie verhoudings (werk, huis, andere) positief te beinvloed!

Waar: Kleinkaap, 87 Jim van der Merwe Weg, Clubview, Centurion
Wanneer: 16 September 2011, 8:30 vir 9:00 – 12:00
Koste: R600 ( afslag vir groepsbesprekings vir meer as 5) Verversing, ens ingesluit. Beperkte aantal registrasies – bespreek NOU om teleurstelling te voorkom!

Besprekings:
doc (at) profact.co.za / 012 460-5686 / 082-555-7575

AANBIEDER:

Dr Elta Boshard is ‘n Leierskap ‘coach’ en Traumapraktisyn en het meer as 21 jaar ervaring in haar vakgebied.

Soos berig in “TSHWANE BEELD 2005” : Dr. Elta Boshard, bekende Pretoriase traumapraktisyn, sê dis ’n slegte en bitter pil om te sluk wanneer allerlei gevare en verlies jou om elke hoek by die huis, werk, straat of motor inwag.
Boshard het Saterdag, 16 September 2006, geskiedenis gemaak in Pretoria toe die eerste virtuele traumasentrum, wat bekend staan as C-i-C@29 in Momumentpark bekend gestel is.
Dié sentrum is ’n gemeenskapsontwikkelingsprojek van Dr. Elta’s Enablers en word deur vrywilligers, wat deur Boshard self opgelei word, beman. (Tshwane-Beeld Woensdag 12 Oktober 2005)

Hierdie werkswinkel is daarop gemik om fondse te genereer vir hierdie sentrum -wat sonder winsmotief bedryf word.

Email management as a creative tool?

It’s not as crazy as it sounds. Of all the technology out there today that’s supposed to help us, email has to be the number one time-suck. The average person spends hours each day on email, and we’ll wager that includes at least some time you could be devoting to those talents and creative projects you never seem to have a moment to pursue. Besides the time it robs you of, email also steals your focus (which multi-talented people have precious little of to begin with) by creating mind clutter that blossoms the second you look at your teeming inbox, and continues long after you’ve closed it. All those things you’re supposed to read, to know, to remember, to respond to. Oy vey. And then, it often happens that the one email you actually needed to read right away (your aunt’s funeral is on Wednesday, you’ve just received a big order for your paintings, Steven Spielberg wants to make your movie) gets buried among the flotsam and jetsam and you miss it entirely until it’s too late. Of course, email is not exactly evil…but it is a necessary evil. So, in the interest of DaVincis everywhere, here are six email management tips and strategies that will leave you much more time, focus and energy for your talents and the rest of your life.

1. Never EVER do it first. If you’re like many creative people, first thing in the morning is the most fruitful, productive and hopeful period of the day. A fresh start. A clean slate. A blank canvas for your most cherished goals, dreams and plans. Why would your first act then be to dump a whole stinking new pile of demands and useless information into this sacred space? Worried you’ll miss something important that needs action right away? If you get up reasonably early, you should have a couple of hours at least before anyone could expect you to look your email. If it’s urgent, they can call you. Don’t give in to the temptation to expose yourself to people’s demands and new information before choosing and doing one important task for yourself, something that honors your talents or contributes to your goals.

2. Pick set times for tackling email and stick to them. In his book The Four Hour Work Week, author Tim Ferriss tells of the time he sent out an email to everyone he knew (I think he also made it an automatic response message) that he would from now on only be checking email twice a day. For anything urgent, the people who needed his cell number already had it. He got some grumbles but no one died. And really, unless you’re working the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, why do you need to be so reachable every second? Most people should be fine dealing with email only twice a day, unless they are using checking email every five minutes as an excuse for procrastination. But we know you would never do that.

3. Don’t use it as a To Do List. Many of us leave emails in our inbox as reminders to get back to someone, or to read something later. I am guilty of this. The trouble is, it works too well. You get reminded and reminded and reminded of things –sometimes for days or weeks! –that in many cases you didn’t need to deal with in the first place. This contributes mightily to that brain clutter and sense of overwhelm that email is so famous for.

4. Just Delete It. Just like you can donate that favorite skirt your wore in college (trust me, even if kilts do come back, you’re too old to wear them now without looking like an off-duty bagpiper), you can delete that questionable email without opening it. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you run the miniscule risk of deleting something that maybe you should have read. Guess what. The world will not end. If someone asks why you haven’t responded to an email you deleted, just ask them to resend it or — GASP — to tell you what it said so you can respond on the spot. And, if you’re really worried, and you have a lot of storage, you can set up your email to save your trash for longer, or indefinitely. Then if you even did need to rummage through your electronic dumpster for that important email you tossed, you can. It has not happened to me once.

5. Unsubscribe. Yes, like me, you’ve been on a million email lists because you signed up to get that free report on how to be more productive, how to write a blog, how to unleash your creative potential, yadda yadda yadda. Now you’re doomed to get that person’s newsletter for the rest of your life. (And did you ever even read that report?) Many DaVincis — and I include myself — suffer from a learning compulsion or information addiction. Fortunately, at least in this case, there is an easy way out. Just scroll down to the bottom of the email and hit the unsubscribe link. You can, of course, select a few people or groups you really get value from and continue to receive only their emails — like Davincidilemma.com of course

6. Use Filters and folders. This is incredibly helpful. You probably get a lot of email that falls into categories such as newsletters you really do want, or things related to specific projects, groups you belong to, etc. Your email service will let you create folders for these messages and filters to pre-sort them into the folders. Gmail also gives you a tool called labels, instead of folders, which lets you put tags on messages and archive them in multiple places if they fall into more than one category. If you do this rigorously, the only things you should see in your inbox are what’s left — the important stuff. If not…see #3 and #4.

7. Tackle email F.A.S.T. Don’t just “check” email, process it. Try to handle all the email in your inbox the F.A.S.T. way. Either file it (F) in a folder; act on it (A) by answering it, forwarding it, or picking up the phone; schedule a time to deal with it (S); or toss it (T). If you focus on these during your set email times (see #2) you’ll be rewarded with a much less chaotic inbox and a more productive day.

Activity: Try one of these strategies every day, or every other day. Keep adding and building on the last one. At the end of a week or so, you should see a vast improvement. Let us know what you’re doing with the time and lunacy you’ve saved! Posting a comment gets you an automatic backlink to your own blog. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma™! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at http:////www.davincidilemma.com// .

Our most common way of solving problems — be it at home or work, in our communities, in national and international affairs — is to use our expertise and authority to apply piece-by-piece, tried-and-true “best practices.” This works for simple, familiar problems. But it doesn’t work for the complex, unfamiliar, conflictual problems that we increasingly face. When we try to solve these problems using traditional approaches, the problems end up either getting stuck or getting unstuck only by force. We need to learn another way.

—oo00oo—

The waves of change sweeping the world — digitization, globalization, demographic shifts, migration, and individualization, as well as the rapid degradation of social and natural capital — are giving rise to arenas of clashing forces. These clashing forces play out as tensions between multiple polarities: speed and sustainability, exploration and exploitation, global and local ways of organizing, top-down and bottom-up approaches to leadership.

Although general statements like the one above have been true at many times and places in human history, there is something different about today’s circumstances. The pace of change is somehow faster, the frequency and amplitude of restructuring and reforming are significantly greater, and the pathways of emerging futures seem to be less predictable than they were in earlier times. [McKinsey-Society for Organizational Learning (SoL) Leadership Project (1999-2000)]

—oo00oo—

WHAT’S INSIDE COMES OUT

Dealing with people is not for sissies.

That’s why very few people are really good at it. Apart from a number of skills that are required for the job, it takes guts and courage, for example, to address a matter of poor performance or misconduct with a person who has not delivered the goods or who is problematic in the workplace. 

With truth having become a moving target, no-one is ever at fault in their own eyes and the most outrageous behaviour, when held to account, is followed by denials, excuses, reasons, counter accusations and possibly even verbal abuse directed at the person raising the matter.

One has to be prepared to bear the brunt of all sorts of unpleasantness and often one starts to wonder whether it’s actually worth it holding people accountable for their actions. What we need to understand when we’re dealing with people like this is that it’s a case of what’s inside is what comes out.

Take a can of honey and a can of acid and place both on a wall, then throw a rock at each. When you hit them, what’s inside will come out, for sure! As the can of honey is knocked over, honey will spill out of the can. When you knock over the can of acid, acid will spew out from that can. The blow from the rock did not determine what was inside the can. All the rock did was reveal what was inside each can.

So when people get angry when they’re caught out, they’re simply revealing what’s inside them. And you can’t be held responsible for what’s inside them.

How does one handle people like that?

It’s important not to take their reactions personally. In the same way that you’re not responsible for their faults, you are also not responsible for their reactions. They, like you, are responsible for their own actions, so don’t fall for the old, “How can you do this to me?” or, “Now you’ve made me angry!” trick.  Every one of us is responsible for our own emotions.

It’s the biggest cop-out for anyone to blame others for the way they are feeling. It may sound unsympathetic, but no-one makes us angry. We make ourselves, or allow ourselves to become, angry – even on the road. Yes, believe it or not, road rage is a self inflicted condition. That doesn’t mean that the other person hasn’t been rude or inconsiderate or unlawful. We are not responsible for their behaviour, but we are responsible for our own. So, difficult as it may be (and I’m speaking from experience here) realise that the real battle you have to fight and win is with your own emotions. Focus your attention, therefore, on that, and you will have a better chance of winning this battle.

When people say or do things that provoke us, there are a lot of things we’d really LIKE to say to them, but we instinctively know that it won’t do us any good. So don’t take the bait. It’s only when you take the bait and react in the way they would like you to that you sink to their level. The sad thing is that, once you’ve done so, you actually give them the satisfaction of knowing that they have got a power over you.

Besides, if you sink to their level and start slanging it out with them, you’re merely revealing what’s inside you! And that just means there’s a lot more work for you to do on yourself… [Alan Hosking Editor: HR Future] 

Many of my closest friends – and most of those not so close - are not aware of the journey I embarked upon after my so-called “heart attack”… without warning. That was when I went through the Cardiac ICU plus the angiogram and all that – leaving the medical profession dumbfounded. However it was such a precious time-out, time to listen to my intelligent heart. 

 So, I embarked on a journey with a fabulous coach, Debbie, from Australia – as part of the current ReciproCoach round. So here are some broad strokes of what she emailed me:

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Elta,

Wow, what a great first session – congratulations on your honesty, focus and flow. You have done considerable thinking regarding What is Now and What is Next and the flow came really easily for you in looking at the

1. Scaling Down,

2. Shutting Down and

3. Starting Something New.

Life is a great journey as you know and it’s given you all the skills and knowledge that you need to now scale down and shift focus.

…  Letting go of the Corporate Jungle with completing the last contract and putting a comma in place for your 3rd dissertation, as your reframe on it is, now – it’s A Live Dissertation. 

Elta, congratulations -when you said this there was a great shift that took you to a very light, excited, uplifting place – I could feel your excitement and enthusiasm screaming through my computer!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

So far so good - today’s session took me to a place of allowing myself to give myself permission to let go, and wait… contemplating, pondering, and waiting… what’s next … but I am taking things slowly.

Practicing to ”WAIT” is work…   might this be the toughest part of the journey?

WOW and one more WOW - I’m back from ’presenting’ a three day “Resilience Retreat” for Social Workers (mostly from the public sector, i.e. here in South Africa it’s more like war work:-( Since this is my blog and my reality, I may say it)… Our focus was -again- on the impact that the language we use has on the realities we ‘create’ through thought-images / -pictures. It appears to become more or less like a line we play in our heads, the line becomes a belief – and act as a HEADLINE that triggers our limbic system to act before we… Ah, but patience, dear reader… more about this later.

I got back to a gazillions of emails and spam, but also email-notices of group conversations. I got so overwhelmed with the collective wisdom of the group *Organizational Change Practitioners* on LinkedIn that I wish I could import and sell some of it.

I just want to share this much with you whilst it’s still fresh in my mind: Dr Brené Brown, author of *The Gifts of Imperfection: Exploring the Power of Courage, Compassion, and Connection* says:

 *I know shame can be a scary topic, but here’s the thing: If we want to understand our struggles with perfectionism, judgment, blame, and disconnection, we have to step into it. If we want to know compassion, courage, authenticity, and belonging – we have to walk through it… We can hold hands, but we gotta go! Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.*

And with that I’m preparing to be off to yet another 3 days in the deep rural – doing my bit in building not just Change Agents but Lionhearted Change Agents: Being Lionhearted © is a work in progress based on experiences at the World Business Forum 2010 held recently.

Think of two films with the same title: DEADLINE. These are as different as chalk and cheese, and meant (I guess) for two different audiences.

First,  there is “Deadline, according to Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times, an excellent documentary…chronicling the astonishingly flawed criminal justice system… “  http://bit.ly/cV2IzD

And then there’s “Deadline”, a thriller/horror starring Brittany Murphy as Alice, a novelist who lives in New York. She decides to go and stay at a friend’s place for a week to write some of her book …

But here Elta gets lost…  so many unanswered questions get my creative renaissance personality excited!

So what, exactly, is my point?

I’ve been working horribly hard - chasing two deadlines. Also at not becoming an Alice (certainly not the one in Wonderland, either!) Both deadlines are sort of self-imposed. But also sort of work-related since I work for the toughest boss…

I was trying to catch up on a serious topic: How can we make SF a sustainable business? 

This morning I was reading one of the comments I suddenly cracked-up laughing… just a tad too loud and too long. I am also picking up some other signals from my body, but hey, Nancy Kline says ‘crying can make you smart’!

Seriously, Neuroscience: I’m doing research on the neuro-physio-psycho-immu-social wonders that promote healing and growth after Secondary Post-Traumatic Stress. This is for a scholarly article, one that I am absolutely committed to finish!  However….I decided to be kind to myself (take time-out!) and share this:  RECIPE FOR SURVIVAL

First take the word “dead” out of the word ‘DEADLINE’ and then breathe ===> Now, let’s move it to “HEAD + line”  for starters and consider adding the SCARF model! (See David Rock on YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wu33SdjeCs  it’s really worth the 2:46 minutes).

Now take a ONE minute to reflect on “Thank you Self” and smile.

Et voilà!  I’ll be back soon…

One of the most common questions I get from the managers I work with is “When do I coach and when do I teach and when do I just give feedback?” To help answer this question (which is a great one!), I’ve compiled the following. It is largely adapted from Masterful Coaching by Robert Hargrove, which, if you haven’t read it, you should! I’ve added some of my own insights and ideas as well. According to Hargrove, coaches wear seven caps in the coaching conversation. As a coach, you need to “dance with what’s occurring. Decide which cap to put on and take off.”

Cap 1: Declaring Possibilities

Essence: Help people see the possibilities that exist, not their past performance. Most people have trouble envisioning possibilities for themselves. Help them brainstorm and raise their sights. When to put this cap on: When people are resigned to the way things are or they see no other options for going forward other than the known – and worn – path. When to take this cap off: When people see infinite possibilities but have difficulties making choices or when people cannot buy into the “what” because they don’t see a “how.”

Cap 2: Be a Thinking Partner

Essence: Many of the issues that leaders and managers (and people) face are complex. We may not have ready answers. Help them think through the issues. Begin with the simple question: “What do you think?” then build on the ideas. Contribute your own insights, thoughts and ideas. It is a partnership. When to put this cap on: When the person is faced with problems or dilemmas for which there are no easy or ready answers. When to take this cap off: When the person needs to move from thinking to action.

Cap 3: Drawing Others Out

Essence: Coaching is not about telling others the answer; it is about surfacing the answer. Often the coachee knows their situation better than the coach. Also, by always telling the answer we are dis-empowering the coachee. When to put this cap on: When you believe that they have the answer (or part of the answer) but may be having trouble uncovering it or articulating it. This is also a good cap to wear when the coachee feels misunderstood by you or by others. Note: this is also a good tactic to employ when you have been offering good ideas and the coachee hasn’t been responsive. When to take this cap off: When people are interpreting things in a dis-empowering manner, if they are jumping to conclusions, or are making assumptions that cannot be validated by data.

Cap 4: Reframing Thinking and Attitudes

Essence: This is a good follow-on to drawing out others. This is the key to transformation. This is where we challenge the way they see themselves. Help them see themselves in a different way. How does their thinking need to shift? What are the lenses or filters that the person is using? Do those need to change? Are there thinking traps which need to be addressed? When to put this cap on: When you pick up on red flags or unquestioned assumptions and limiting self beliefs. When you notice wrongheaded ways of looking at the problem or solution. When you hear/see dis-empowering language and explanations. When to take this cap off: When people already have a more positive, empowered, inspired and accurate interpretation of reality. Also when they already have the right mind-set to address the situation and they are ready to move or simply need “how-to” type guidance.

Cap 5: Teaching and Advising

Essence: A coach has a teachable point of view. This cap is employed to make distinctions that open up new categories in people’s minds. (For example, the distinction between compliance and commitment.) This cap can also be used to offer practical advice and guidance. Give advice that is 1) caring and candid; 2) practical; 3) wise; and, 4) well-timed, meaning when people are open to hearing it. When to put this cap on: When you have a teachable point of view, when a distinction needs to be made because it would create greater clarity or power for people or when people solicit your help and advice. When to take this cap off: When people start to debate everything you say or when you start to hear lots of “yes, buts.” Also, if you’ve made your point, move on. It can often be helpful to move from here to the “Drawing Others Out.”

Cap 6: Forwarding Action

Essence: The focus is on interacting with people regarding “their goals and problems in a way that takes them beyond an answer and brings them to a moment of true insight. They follow this by taking those insights and forwarding action: If you have come up with some powerful insights, then the actions will usually fall out of them.” End with an action plan (30 days). Focus on small, high-leverage steps that move them forward without overwhelming them. (Note: by ending with an action plan the implication is that there is always a way forward and the work is about discovering it.) When to put this cap on: When people have had enough with theory and strategy and are ready to get started. It’s also good when they don’t see an opening for successful action. Also when you’ve already identified the next logical steps (or what’s missing). When to take this cap off: When doing the same thing better doesn’t produce different results. It might be time to go to “Declaring New Possibilities” and brainstorming alternative courses of action. It might also be that some re-framing needs to happen because a new perspective and/or removing mental blocks is necessary.

Cap 7: Giving Honest Feedback Essence: This cap helps the coachee become more aware. Most of us are rather blind to our own strengths and gaps and even how we show up in our relationships. By building awareness in the coachee, they can begin to self-monitor and self-regulate. It is important to make sure that the feedback you give is based upon witnessable observations and not just random and arbitrary opinions and judgments. (Note: this is not in the book but from my studies with neuropsychology. When giving feedback, the magic number is at least a 3:1 ratio of positive to negative/constructive feedback. The optimum ratio according to the research is 6:1.) This has the effect of opening up the person to listening to and accepting feedback. This doesn’t mean that you need to tell them three good things and then give them the negative/constructive. It means that over the course of time, you provide more positive feedback than negative.) When to put this cap on: When you are creating a leadership/manger development plan and you need to assess strengths and gaps; when people’s actions are leading to unintended consequences; when the person is learning new skills and behaviors. When to take this cap off: When people simply are not open to feedback, or when it is time to get back into action.

So let’s here from you: what hat comes more naturally to you?

http://bit.ly/9jQ7o9 - Follow this link for more from Bobbi.

Vir meer inligting kontak Dr Elta Boshard:

Tel: 082-555-7575 of 012-460-5686

…Next Retreat Planned: Feb 2011!

Dress Code: casual and comfortable – we are going to stretch and push the limits

Group Size – Limited to 20 participants

Registration Deadline – To be annouced!